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| My grandmother - Lillys Cwalina- was one of the smartest people I know. I wish I'd asked her more questions and gotten more answers while she was alive. (2010) |
It's interesting that I find my grandmother's advice some of the most helpful. She's of an older generation - the WWII generation. She lived through the Great Depression. Jobs weren't available to women like they are now. Most people would consider their grandparents anachronisms - they belong to an older period than they exist in. But it's her advice I often turn to in times of trouble - and her advice that picks me up the most.
Why did I decide to write a post about this today? Because I was feeling down and her voice echoed in my head while I was taking a shower.It had just the right amount of exasperation in it to make me move my butt and follow the advice she was whispering to me. She always was able to get my butt in gear when no one else was.
Here are my top 10 pieces of advice from my grandmother.
- Always get fully dressed in the morning. It will make you feel better about yourself, which will make your day go better. She was so right. Sweatpants don't give me the same lift as getting all the way dressed, hair done, earrings in.
- Just add cheese. She was telling me how to get my family to eat more vegetables at a time when we were really struggling. Cheese makes everything better. It doesn't have to be a lot of cheese, but it does. Of course, she also believed in healthy doses of butter - which we do without.
- Work comes in all forms. Don't discount anything you do. How right she was. We all work. Everyday. On everything. It's hard not to discount somethings we do - after all, that 10 minute bathroom clean wasn't really work was it? But it was. And it accomplished something.
- Make a small to do list. She always made lists. She passed this onto my mom, who passed it onto me. Mine get out of control. Hers were always manageable. She would finish the list, and then if she did extra stuff, add it to the list and cross it off. But she always finished her lists - and we all know how satisfying finishing your list it.
- Music is important. For discipline of the mind, and for enjoyment. My grandmother was a big music lover. The SF Opera and SF Symphony got many seasons out of her. She introduced me to opera early on, and classical music. There's something soul stirring about that music - and uplifting. It makes you imagine - which creates great enjoyment. But she also insisted I continue to play piano/flute - for the discipline. I notice now that the same discipline that was applied to music practice makes it easier for me to focus. On days when I don't practice now, I am more unfocused. When I practice music my mind is more disciplined.
- Being a wife and mother is something only you can do. She made this comment to me one day when I was having a really hard time with my son. I was having a horrible day. I was feeling down because I wasn't working outside the home anymore. It was one of those crushing days. And she reminded me that only I can be the wife and mother in my family. Only me. It's a job I have to do - there's no getting out of it. And that it is work. Sometimes knowing that only I can do a job makes it a little easier to do it.
- God comes first. Before everything. People might argue with me about this. But she and I had many discussions about religion and God. She put God first. He led her in her life. He guided her in her marriage and her family. She was able to make her family and husband a priority because she knew God wanted her to. She had amazing inner strength - and that came from having someone to help her along the way. Reminding myself that God comes first often takes the onus off of other things - sometimes ridiculous things (did I get all the shelves organized, did we do enough outside time today). Because God won't look at those small things. He looks at you as a whole person.
- Pots and pans should always be cleaned when you use them. My grandmother believed that food was important. Meals are where you sit with your family and enjoy food, and their company. In order to enjoy the meal, and not think about dishes, she always tried to clean her pots and pans when she used them - that way the big dishes were done and no one had to see them or think about them. Awesome advice - and when I follow it, it does make meals better.
- Keep your knickknacks on a shelf where you can see them. She kept hers on shelves in rooms where she would go everyday. Not to show them off to people - some people never went into her office where most of them were. They were for her. She told me that if she felt strongly enough about something to purchase it, she should enjoy viewing it and remembering the memories it represents. Sometimes, she said, those memories were enough to turn her day from sad to glad. So we continue the tradition - and we purchase magnets wherever we go. Because magnets get stuck on the fridge, and I see them everyday.
- We are able to do anything we want to do - if we want it badly enough. This is more esoteric advice than some of the others. But she came from a generation where things were very bad at times. She lost her parents and was raised by extended family. She had nothing when she went to be a nurse for the Army. And then she met her husband, they both served in the military, and they raised an amazing family. They traveled. They had fun. They did the things we all want to do. She reminds me constantly that all things are possible. And I just need to want them enough.
