Abby goes to ballet camp!

This year was Abby's first time to get to go to camp. Santa Barbara Parks and Rec had a princess ballet camp that I sent her to.

Do you think she enjoyed herself? She did for the first two days. After that it was only because she was dancing on a stage on Friday that she went to "practice camp" on Wednesday and Thursday. Maybe it was because the camp is during the time that we normally have downtime and reading time. Maybe it was because she never wanted to eat lunch before her camp. She just wanted to take a bunch of snacks and eat them there. And maybe it was because she had her grandmother here and wanted to spend more time with her than at camp. But regardless, she ended up being so happy with camp after camp. It was just the getting to camp that was a problem sometimes.

  

For her this was a big deal. She went to camp with other kids. She had to interact with other kids. She had to wear her leotards. She had to have her hair up. She had to follow the rules and deal with all the noises inherent when you have 8 little girls dancing to various princess songs. She had to deal with the teacher telling stories she might not have liked (they learned and listened to a different classical ballet each day).

Abby also had to deal with her anxiety. I sent her with her chew necklaces (those teething necklaces), that are her go to thing to chew on when she gets nervous. She didn't use them. According to her teacher, when she got overwhelmed, she just went to the side of the room and danced by herself. That's a good coping mechanism. I'm good with her learning that. It was a really big deal for her to go to camp for 5 days in a row. And get on stage and do all the dances. She did amazing.

Maybe the best part of the production was the Popsicle afterwards. After every dance they asked their teacher if it was time for frozen treats yet. It was pretty cute. As were the pauses in the productions so the kids could drink water. Or put on lipstick that they ran to their moms to get. Or watching them all peek from behind the curtain to wave at us before the production. 

Best of all was watching Abby and her love for dance shine through. 

She doesn't know it yet, but she's got a ballet video coming for home - two actually - so she can dance at home while we wait for her ballet class to start in September. 

The beach.

We spend a lot of time at the beach. A lot. We are there at least three or four times a week. In the past 7 days we have been to the beach 6 out of 7 days. We tend to go to Goleta City Beach. It's about 5 minutes from our house by car. It has free parking. And it is not a place tourists go. The beaches in Santa Barbara proper are where tourists go. We have been there this summer, and we are going to avoid them for a little while longer. We like uncrowded beaches. Filled with sand and ocean views. Not views of other people. Nicholas likes to build sand balls, then a wall, and then crush the wall with the sand balls. Abby just builds. Neither of my kids are big sand castle builders - which is fine. Both are huge hole diggers. On Saturday we totally went and sat by a family that already had a big hole. My kids just joined in the play there. It was nice to not have to dig our own hole, and simply help with someone else's hole. It gave my kids a bunch of fun and social interaction. Abby is getting better about working with people in new settings. Nicholas just runs up to people and asks if he can play too. Abby hangs back for a bit. We are lucky that no one has had a sun burn yet. It's a real miracle because my red headed daughter is also pasty white. Like florescent. So we use a ton of sunscreen. It's a regular purchase at Costco. Almost as regular as milk. What do I do at the beach? Well, I'm kind of a nerd. I do some ab work, then some yoga, and then I just chill out. Sometimes that means I read a book. Sometimes I do Sudoku. Sometimes I get in the ocean. I only get in if the kids are there. And if Jon is there, we take turns swimming in the ocean. It's really peaceful just taking the boogie board out there and floating past the breakers. We love the beach. I think it's one of the most amazing things about living here. I'm not sure how we would deal if we moved away from the beach at this point. And Nicholas is getting to be quite the boogie boarder. Even Abby is taking it up. It means they practice swimming more in the pool at the condo. Which is a nice side effect.

Santa Barbara Natural History Museum

In case you missed the news - we've moved! From sunny Sacramento (really Rancho Cordova) to sunny Santa Barbara. The difference is that the sun down here isn't so hot. And there's no Target right here. I have to drive to Ventura to hit Target. Oh - and the beach is here. We love the beach.

It also turns out that our Discovery Science Center museum membership from Sacramento is good at the Santa Barbara Natural History Museum. I knew the membership was good at various other museums - it's part of a network of museums around the country. We've been to the San Jose Tech Museum for free because of our membership. I didn't know the Natural History Museum was going to be so fun. They have a butterfly house. It's amazing! A smaller version of Marine World's butterfly house. And it's just big enough for my kids to enjoy it without getting too hot, or being in there too long. I really like it because, hello, butterflies are gorgeous. Although when they are sitting still they look kind of creepy. I prefer them when they are flying.

There are exhibits on rocks and minerals. Nicholas got to see a bunch of minerals and crystals that he likes to read about. We spent more time in that room than almost anywhere else. They also have a kids' play area - right now it is themed with conservation and forest rangers. So there is a play house - with a play kitchen - that pretends it is about good farming practices and conserving water in the kitchen. Really it's a play kitchen. I appreciate the theme, but it's a fun area for the kids to play in. The kids aren't reading all the signs or are concerned about conservation. They just want to play with the boat, the fish, the balance beam, and the kitchen. Not to mention the ping pong ball race course.

 They also have a "backyard" area. Well, it's an amazing area.

There are sticks to build forts with. Lots of sticks. Most of them are made of bamboo. The kids really enjoyed playing with the sticks. Shocking I know. Sticks and kids. Lots of fun.

The backyard also has a little play river. The water runs from the top of the river down to the bottom. Abby wasted no time in removing her shoes and then walking in the river. Nicholas took a bit more time climbing on the rocks around the river before jumping in.

There are wooden boats and lots of small boulders around the river. Kids are encouraged to just play. So my kids built dams, then crashed the wooden boats into them to make the dams crumble. Too bad it didn't work.

So then they rebuilt the dams in another part of the river. Nicholas was excited to watch how building dams makes the river go faster in a different area. He built lots and lots of dams. Then he unbuilt them all so that he could float wooden boats down the river. Abby simply spent a lot of time in the water. And walking around the river. For some reason, she really liked walking up stream.

We tried taking a family picture at the beginning of the hike to the backyard. The hike is called boulder alley. It is a path between lots of boulders - and there are signs encouraging the kids to climb on the boulders. And by hike I mean about a 300 feet path. But it was a lot of fun to walk through and have the kids climb all over the boulders.

We really enjoyed our time here as a family and will be visiting the museum again. And again. After all, they have story time with the butterflies and star gazing. Two things my family really likes.

The joys of SPD.

SPD.  Sensory Processing Disorder. 

Unless you know of it, it can be hard to describe to people. What it involves is a child who simply processes thins differently in their brain. What it means is that the kid sometimes seems out of control. It can look like in a bad parent. And it can look like constant temper tantrums. 

Abby has some SPD issues. She also has anxiety. I've been told that until the anxiety gets managed, it will be hard to handle the sensory issues. 

But that doesn't mean we don't try. 

So somedays we have to stay inside while I deal with temper tantrums. Why inside? Because you can't give into the temper tantrum and I need her to participate in sensory and calming therapy so she learns alternatives and her brain learns. 

And then there are days like today. 

It started as a fight over BBQ potato chips. For breakfast. And ended in a day long temper tantrum that not even McDonalds could cure. 

She wanted the BBQ chips because of their texture and taste. So I offered her bacon. Normally the two are interchangeable for her. Not today. The chip bag was hugged. I actually had to hold her upside down to get her to release it. 

At which point she got anxious and started her seeking behavior. Which for her is chewing and touching. Roughly. I could t find her teething necklace to give her but she grabbed my hand to chew. Lovely. She didn't mean any harm. She just was chewing because she needed the stimulus. I got hit because she's tough when seeking. Two glasses got knocked over (as a side note, those unbreakable plastic cups are breakable). 

None of the redirection and sensory therapies helped. 

So we missed play group. I missed the beach today- which normally calms us all. And she had a rough day. Finally, about 4, play dough came to the rescue as she finally engaged with it. 

You might wonder why I tell this story publicly.....

It's because we also had to drop Nicholas off at soccer camp and there were snide comments made about me not being able to control her. And how I must be a bad parent because she's out of control. 

Well, no. She's got a processing disorder and was in the middle of a fit. She's not the boss of our lives and we still had to drop Nicholas off at camp. 

So the next time you see someone with a child who Isis heaving, think twice before judging. Because that parent and hold might be struggling with something you don't know. 

Abby is a normal girl. She speaks normally. She talks and walks normally. Even though she can mostly be found dancing and singing, she's a pretty normal three year old. To all appearances she's just a regular kid. 

To me she's my daughter and I do everything I can to help. But sometimes it's not enough and I still have to deal with meltdowns while our normal life goes on. 

Don't judge when you see a "regular" kid like her melting down. Something irregular might be happening in their brain. 

Santa Barbara here we are.

It's been two weeks since the move. Two weeks since I lost my big kitchen, amazing washer and dryer, and big yard. 

We've relocated to Santa Barbara. 

And I miss almost nothing. I miss my big washer and dryer the most. Everything else- well we are along due. 

The garage has been converted into a playroom/office. All I need now is some amazing bright fabric to hang on the walls to convert the "garage" look into something else. 

We are also almost unpacked. I have myself a month. But if I would just stop going to the beach all the time, I could be done in a day. 

As I write this I'm at the beach. We are listening to the waves. The kids are digging a really big hole. 

I've started running again. Running is not something I've enjoyed. Except - as it turns out- I can run along the beach and I really enjoy it. I also have a jump rope in the back patio, so I can do some body weight exercises and jump rope there. 

It's a pretty good relocation. Jon is loving his new job. He has plenty of problems to solve and is enjoying solving them. We really do like the more relaxed pace down here. 

When the house finally gets put together I'll add some pictures. 

#Yesallwomen campaign.

We moved to Goleta - which is right next to Santa Barbara. It is also right next to Isla Vista. This past Friday, in Isla Vista (about 2 miles from our house, maybe 3). A young man - a deeply disturbed young man - committed a horrible crime. He committed a mass murder. He did this because, according to his videos, women turned him down and he was tired of the rejection.

Out of this tragedy came a campaign - #Yesallwomen. This campaign allows women to write about their daily experiences, or one time experiences, that have to do with them simply being women. These experiences range from rape (and being asked what you were wearing), to being whistled at while walking down the street, being groped in public because some stranger thought it was okay, and a host of other issues.

Including women who knew that they would get horrible comments, death threats, and have problems at their job because they were participating in the campaign.

My decision not to participate in the campaign had to do - directly -with the fact that I am applying for some adjunct professor positions and I know that if they Google me, that will pop up. Most hiring committees are made of men, and that means I can't be associated with a campaign like #Yesallwomen - no matter how much I really want to.

And what does that say about society?

And what is more, people will turn it back on the women.

It's about men. We can't know who is a good man and who isn't from looking at you. In fact, looks are often the very worst barometer of kindness and whether or not you will assault a woman. Being nice and kind to a woman isn't a good method of judgement either - because men know women will respond well to niceness.

So we, as women, live our lives in a world where we have to protect ourselves because SOME men are so violent and hid it so well, that we can't trust random men.

Do you know what it feels like to be judged based on how you look? Not just be judged, but be treated a different way? I've lost over 150 lbs, and the way people treat me is very different. Men wouldn't hold doors open before - even when I had both kids with me. Now men hold open doors, and will talk with me. It didn't happen before. I've been told, in interviews, that I'm too big to look like a professional woman and so they won't hire me. Who tells that to a man?

I've walked down the street and been laughed at. I've also - in my younger days - been sexually assaulted and had to suffer through the highest indignity of rape. All knowing that if I say anything, someone will find a way for it to be my problem. It's demeaning; it's suffering; and it's oppressive.

Yet it's a woman's problem: Being sexually assaulted is her problem because of how she dressed, how she looks, or what she did.

Nope.

That's wrong.

Sexual assault is a crime committed on women. Rape, by definition, doesn't have consent. Women are getting hurt.

Moms are raising daughters by saying, "You have to be careful what you wear," and "You have to be careful who you hang out with."

Maybe it's time to rethink our position.

Raise our sons to think, "Women are someone," "Women should be respected," and "It's not okay to stand by while someone else is disrespecting, or abusing, a woman."

Some of the biggest role models in TV, sports, and music don't respect women. You can hear it in their music, see it in their actions and their speech. You learn about it when they are charged with crimes of domestic violence. But this is who our young men look up to - and want to be like.

I know this post isn't going to be seen by many, the problem is that if someone comes across it they might make rude comments in the comments section. For no other reason than I am a woman writing about a problem and how it feels to be disrespected.

Here's another good article to read - and it was written by a man.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/bad_astronomy/2014/05/27/not_all_men_how_discussing_women_s_issues_gets_derailed.html

The C+ parent that I am.......

Sometimes you read that perfect article for your day. I'm currently on my "lunch break" (the kiddos are watching TV for 30 minutes) and I get to have 30 minutes to read the news, read any articles I like, pay bills, go to the bathroom by myself, and shower. So I found this article today on Scary Mommy - it describes my philosophy these days perfectly.

All I have to manage is to keep the kids relatively happy, clean, and fed. I'll even fudge a little on the "clean" because a night time bath takes care of all ailments. And keep myself sane.

See, we are moving (in case the big piles of boxes and donations didn't give it away). It's a stressful time. The kids want their stuff out of boxes; they want their friends to come over; they want to go to their friends. They also seem to act up all the time. Their thought process is, "The house looks different, so if I act different, it should be all okay." Well, it's not okay.

What's also not okay is to comment on a family's choices during the moving process. We went to McDonald's today to get the kids lunch. It's been a hard day. We've been up since 5a, and their rooms got packed today. So I got them their "favorite" lunch (the only one they can both agree on). A lady behind me said, "Are you sure you want to feed your kids the stuff they make here?" Well yes, I'm sure I do. And you are also in line, unless my eyes are deceiving me. So let's not make any comments. If I wanted to feed my kids brownies and bananas all day long, it is none of your business to comment on it. We are moving. Exceptions to regular eating habits will be made- and must be made - to keep mommy sane.

So I've lowered my desire from being an A parent (I would never get the plus), to a C+ parent. Maybe a B- since the kids get to watch their favorite TV shows still and I still make them food - occasionally.