#Yesallwomen campaign.

We moved to Goleta - which is right next to Santa Barbara. It is also right next to Isla Vista. This past Friday, in Isla Vista (about 2 miles from our house, maybe 3). A young man - a deeply disturbed young man - committed a horrible crime. He committed a mass murder. He did this because, according to his videos, women turned him down and he was tired of the rejection.

Out of this tragedy came a campaign - #Yesallwomen. This campaign allows women to write about their daily experiences, or one time experiences, that have to do with them simply being women. These experiences range from rape (and being asked what you were wearing), to being whistled at while walking down the street, being groped in public because some stranger thought it was okay, and a host of other issues.

Including women who knew that they would get horrible comments, death threats, and have problems at their job because they were participating in the campaign.

My decision not to participate in the campaign had to do - directly -with the fact that I am applying for some adjunct professor positions and I know that if they Google me, that will pop up. Most hiring committees are made of men, and that means I can't be associated with a campaign like #Yesallwomen - no matter how much I really want to.

And what does that say about society?

And what is more, people will turn it back on the women.

It's about men. We can't know who is a good man and who isn't from looking at you. In fact, looks are often the very worst barometer of kindness and whether or not you will assault a woman. Being nice and kind to a woman isn't a good method of judgement either - because men know women will respond well to niceness.

So we, as women, live our lives in a world where we have to protect ourselves because SOME men are so violent and hid it so well, that we can't trust random men.

Do you know what it feels like to be judged based on how you look? Not just be judged, but be treated a different way? I've lost over 150 lbs, and the way people treat me is very different. Men wouldn't hold doors open before - even when I had both kids with me. Now men hold open doors, and will talk with me. It didn't happen before. I've been told, in interviews, that I'm too big to look like a professional woman and so they won't hire me. Who tells that to a man?

I've walked down the street and been laughed at. I've also - in my younger days - been sexually assaulted and had to suffer through the highest indignity of rape. All knowing that if I say anything, someone will find a way for it to be my problem. It's demeaning; it's suffering; and it's oppressive.

Yet it's a woman's problem: Being sexually assaulted is her problem because of how she dressed, how she looks, or what she did.

Nope.

That's wrong.

Sexual assault is a crime committed on women. Rape, by definition, doesn't have consent. Women are getting hurt.

Moms are raising daughters by saying, "You have to be careful what you wear," and "You have to be careful who you hang out with."

Maybe it's time to rethink our position.

Raise our sons to think, "Women are someone," "Women should be respected," and "It's not okay to stand by while someone else is disrespecting, or abusing, a woman."

Some of the biggest role models in TV, sports, and music don't respect women. You can hear it in their music, see it in their actions and their speech. You learn about it when they are charged with crimes of domestic violence. But this is who our young men look up to - and want to be like.

I know this post isn't going to be seen by many, the problem is that if someone comes across it they might make rude comments in the comments section. For no other reason than I am a woman writing about a problem and how it feels to be disrespected.

Here's another good article to read - and it was written by a man.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/bad_astronomy/2014/05/27/not_all_men_how_discussing_women_s_issues_gets_derailed.html

The C+ parent that I am.......

Sometimes you read that perfect article for your day. I'm currently on my "lunch break" (the kiddos are watching TV for 30 minutes) and I get to have 30 minutes to read the news, read any articles I like, pay bills, go to the bathroom by myself, and shower. So I found this article today on Scary Mommy - it describes my philosophy these days perfectly.

All I have to manage is to keep the kids relatively happy, clean, and fed. I'll even fudge a little on the "clean" because a night time bath takes care of all ailments. And keep myself sane.

See, we are moving (in case the big piles of boxes and donations didn't give it away). It's a stressful time. The kids want their stuff out of boxes; they want their friends to come over; they want to go to their friends. They also seem to act up all the time. Their thought process is, "The house looks different, so if I act different, it should be all okay." Well, it's not okay.

What's also not okay is to comment on a family's choices during the moving process. We went to McDonald's today to get the kids lunch. It's been a hard day. We've been up since 5a, and their rooms got packed today. So I got them their "favorite" lunch (the only one they can both agree on). A lady behind me said, "Are you sure you want to feed your kids the stuff they make here?" Well yes, I'm sure I do. And you are also in line, unless my eyes are deceiving me. So let's not make any comments. If I wanted to feed my kids brownies and bananas all day long, it is none of your business to comment on it. We are moving. Exceptions to regular eating habits will be made- and must be made - to keep mommy sane.

So I've lowered my desire from being an A parent (I would never get the plus), to a C+ parent. Maybe a B- since the kids get to watch their favorite TV shows still and I still make them food - occasionally.

Ah! Packing!

My sewing room has never been so clean. No shelves.
No stuff. Just boxes and furniture.

In case you missed the big news, we are moving. To Santa Barbara.

This is super exciting, but it entails packing. Lots of packing. We are moving from a wonderful 4 bed/3bath house (2350 sq. ft.) to a much smaller townhouse - almost 1000 sq feet will be lost. In order to have school space we are converting the garage into storage/playroom/school.

So we've been downsizing as we've been packing and it's gotten me to think and realize - we have way too much stuff.

The kids were unwilling to part with much stuff - which is understandable. We - me and Jon - made the decision that we won't make them part with anything because a move can be unsettling. Instead we will part with stuff.

See the boxes? And we still aren't done
with all the packing. 

We moved into our house with over 30 boxes of books. We are moving out with 12. We moved into the house with two dressers and are moving out with one (but the new townhouse does have 2 closets - so 1.5 for me, .5 for Jonathan).

We moved in with two bikes and out with 4 bikes, 2 scooters, skates, and a skateboard.

Let's just say, we have a lot of stuff. And packing a lot of stuff takes a lot of time.

It's been interesting packing and working on putting the house back into really good shape to sell it. I feel like we are vacationing in our home rather than living here sometimes - especially if you are in our room or the loft (which were 2 places I loved). My craft room is packed up and so I don't get to relax by doing any crafts anymore. No sewing for me. No art for me. Just kids' art. It's okay though, we will figure it all out.

Besides, for stress relief, at least there's still a bathtub.