#Yesallwomen campaign.

We moved to Goleta - which is right next to Santa Barbara. It is also right next to Isla Vista. This past Friday, in Isla Vista (about 2 miles from our house, maybe 3). A young man - a deeply disturbed young man - committed a horrible crime. He committed a mass murder. He did this because, according to his videos, women turned him down and he was tired of the rejection.

Out of this tragedy came a campaign - #Yesallwomen. This campaign allows women to write about their daily experiences, or one time experiences, that have to do with them simply being women. These experiences range from rape (and being asked what you were wearing), to being whistled at while walking down the street, being groped in public because some stranger thought it was okay, and a host of other issues.

Including women who knew that they would get horrible comments, death threats, and have problems at their job because they were participating in the campaign.

My decision not to participate in the campaign had to do - directly -with the fact that I am applying for some adjunct professor positions and I know that if they Google me, that will pop up. Most hiring committees are made of men, and that means I can't be associated with a campaign like #Yesallwomen - no matter how much I really want to.

And what does that say about society?

And what is more, people will turn it back on the women.

It's about men. We can't know who is a good man and who isn't from looking at you. In fact, looks are often the very worst barometer of kindness and whether or not you will assault a woman. Being nice and kind to a woman isn't a good method of judgement either - because men know women will respond well to niceness.

So we, as women, live our lives in a world where we have to protect ourselves because SOME men are so violent and hid it so well, that we can't trust random men.

Do you know what it feels like to be judged based on how you look? Not just be judged, but be treated a different way? I've lost over 150 lbs, and the way people treat me is very different. Men wouldn't hold doors open before - even when I had both kids with me. Now men hold open doors, and will talk with me. It didn't happen before. I've been told, in interviews, that I'm too big to look like a professional woman and so they won't hire me. Who tells that to a man?

I've walked down the street and been laughed at. I've also - in my younger days - been sexually assaulted and had to suffer through the highest indignity of rape. All knowing that if I say anything, someone will find a way for it to be my problem. It's demeaning; it's suffering; and it's oppressive.

Yet it's a woman's problem: Being sexually assaulted is her problem because of how she dressed, how she looks, or what she did.

Nope.

That's wrong.

Sexual assault is a crime committed on women. Rape, by definition, doesn't have consent. Women are getting hurt.

Moms are raising daughters by saying, "You have to be careful what you wear," and "You have to be careful who you hang out with."

Maybe it's time to rethink our position.

Raise our sons to think, "Women are someone," "Women should be respected," and "It's not okay to stand by while someone else is disrespecting, or abusing, a woman."

Some of the biggest role models in TV, sports, and music don't respect women. You can hear it in their music, see it in their actions and their speech. You learn about it when they are charged with crimes of domestic violence. But this is who our young men look up to - and want to be like.

I know this post isn't going to be seen by many, the problem is that if someone comes across it they might make rude comments in the comments section. For no other reason than I am a woman writing about a problem and how it feels to be disrespected.

Here's another good article to read - and it was written by a man.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/bad_astronomy/2014/05/27/not_all_men_how_discussing_women_s_issues_gets_derailed.html