Amazing talk.

It's that time of year when the TED talks are talked about online and published everywhere. I like looking through the index and seeing what was talked about. Sometimes they have great talks and I listen to them online. Sometimes they make me scratch my head. But here's one talk that everyone should listen to:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/14/the-sexy-lie-tedx-talk-sexual-objectification_n_4597316.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

I included the link to the article because it highlights the main points of the talk for those who don't have time to listen to the talk itself.

The main point is this: Being sexually objectified isn't a good thing, no matter how hard we try and convince ourselves it is.

I hear many parents, young adults, and even kids (yes, that includes kids as young as 5) talk about sexual objectification. The younger ones might not know that's what they are talking about - but it is. How many times do young girls talk about "having pretty dresses" or "being a pretty princess?" It's not that the idea of "pretty" is bad in and of itself. It's that the idea of using looks as a substitute for other things is bad.

We do it everyday as parents. It takes a concerted effort not to.

When your daughter is dressing Barbies (or whatever dolls she has) - what's the comments we make? Do we make more comments when she dresses them in the pretty dresses? What about when our daughters get dressed. Everyone likes to hear that they are looking good- but is that our only comment?

I've had to work hard to make sure that I use other words with my daughter than words about looks. Do I like her to put in ponytails because she's adorable with them - yes. But what do I tell her? I tell her that ponytails help keep her hair out of her eyes so the hair won't get in the way at karate, or while we are cooking, or while we are doing a science experiment. I need to work actively to make sure  that the focus is off looks.

Sexualization of women - and men too - is focused on looks. Especially when the kids are younger. We have a duty to bring our children out of the sexualized world. This means changing the way we talk with our children - boys and girls. If the boys constantly hear their parents praising the girls for looking pretty, then that is what they will do when they grow up with women. It's a reinforcing cycle.

Do I tell my kids when they look good. Sure I do. But do I also tell them when they are doing something smart, that it's awesome when they read, that I like the colors they chose, that they can jump very well, and all kinds of complements. I try hard to not make all my compliments about looks.

It's my little way of contributing to the world by making sure that my children aren't going to be part of the over-sexualization problem.

Or at least that's my hope.